Download I Am Legend

Once upon a time in lovely Los Angeles, California…

My lifestyle as a struggling “actor/writer/bachelor” allowed me to watch 2 to 3 movies a day (that’s somewhere in the region of 17 movies a week). Because of this, friends and family would call for my advice on which movie was worth their time and money. Ironically, the more they asked for my advice, the less time I had to watch movies. Before I knew it, I was down to 1.25 movies a day. It was at this point that I began developing a classification system that would give my friends and family the information they needed which would in turn give me the time I needed to get back to doing what I do best – watching movies.

KICK ASS CLASSIFICATION SYSTEM (K.A.C.S.)

GOOD MOVIE – this is a movie that neither insults nor increases your intelligence. It delivers what you expect, when you expect, how you expect but does it unexpectedly good.

“I Am Legend” is a GOOD movie.

CRAP MOVIE – this is a movie that both insults and decreases your intelligence. It goes out of it’s way to deliver what it thinks the audience wants not realizing the audience doesn’t know what it wants but they do know what they don’t want and that’s not to be given what they think they want. Many times CRAP movies let special effects dictate story and more often than not have a lot of computer generated “creatures” in them.

“10,000 B.C.” is a CRAP movie.

TOTAL CRAP MOVIE – this movie is especially insulting to the viewer’s intelligence because (ironically) it pretends to be intelligent by being profound and telling us things like “there’s more to life than work”, “live each day to it’s fullest”, and “money can’t buy you happiness”. This type of movie is usually made by studios that are run by highly ambitious people who believe in none of these platitudes but make millions of dollars by tagging them on to their sagging derivative star driven movies.

“The Bucket List” is a TOTAL CRAP movie.

GREAT MOVIE – a GREAT movie can be profound ("Schindler's List") but it can also be profoundly silly ("South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut"). The thing all GREAT movies have in common is that they are made intelligently.

"Rocket Science" is a GREAT movie.

Later

The Guy Who Kicked Bruce Willis’s Ass

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